Sunday, May 22, 2005
The Thought of Separation....
I can't sleep so I decided to blog.....guess it will be good to write it down then ponder about it.
Yesterday my father came back early from work and actually wanted to mop the house. But he couldn't because of the heavy rain. If you are wondering what's the connection...well...when my dad mops the house, almost 3/4 of the stuff in the house moves out, thanks to the big space we have outside our house. But due to the heavy rain, we know for sure that these stuff might get wet.
While I was sweeping the house, this conversation came up:
Dad: When is Kumar's parents coming down? (Which means "When are u getting married?")
Me: Huh..ard end of the year..(Kumar's parents don't even know about us. How would the hell I know when they are coming down!!)
Dad: Then when you getting engaged?
Me: This year engage....
Dad: Then ROM?
Me: Next year...(Me saying these stuff as if they are gonna happen...)
Dad: Then when you get married? The year after that is it....I want to sell the house!!
Me: Oh, so u want me to get married and go away faster ah!! Daddy ah, after I go, nobody will do anything for you ok....You talk like ah...
It hit me really bad.My father had never said anything like this to me before. My relationship with my mum is very bad so I always hear this from her and it doesn't bother me at all. But not from my dad. I was kinda very sad after hearing that. I didn't really expect my father to say something like tat. I don't really wanna leave my dad now. There's nobody to take care of him. Nobody to heat up his food or make tea or coffee or fry anything for him...... Most girls are sad coz they have to leave their mums but in my case, its a bit different. I'm sad to leave my dad...maybe its because he has nobody here besides me.....Sometimes I really get jealous when daughters are friendly with their mums coz its hurts that I'm not......
In the evening,I was on the train going to meet Kumar when my ex-maid called me. I couldn't control myself and cried to her. After we hung up, a few minutes later, my dad called and told me that he was not serious when he said that and me staying in the house is not a burden to him. He also said that i'll always be his daughter no matter what and he's just afraid that Kumar might not marry me and tat's why he wants us to get ROM fast.....
What he said really means a lot to me....This is the first time my father's saying all these to me....they really mean a lot.....I'm not really in the mood to get married. The thought of not being there for my family really makes me wonder whether I should get married. I'm the eldest child and my brother is 9 years younger than me. I can't trust this family into his hands...Sometimes its really sad that a woman has to leave her house and family when she gets married. I guess hope that my dad sells this house when I''m around so that I can help him. I don't know la..I feel sad thinking about these things..
If you ask me truely, I don't wanna get married.....then Kumar........I don't know.....
Yesterday my father came back early from work and actually wanted to mop the house. But he couldn't because of the heavy rain. If you are wondering what's the connection...well...when my dad mops the house, almost 3/4 of the stuff in the house moves out, thanks to the big space we have outside our house. But due to the heavy rain, we know for sure that these stuff might get wet.
While I was sweeping the house, this conversation came up:
Dad: When is Kumar's parents coming down? (Which means "When are u getting married?")
Me: Huh..ard end of the year..(Kumar's parents don't even know about us. How would the hell I know when they are coming down!!)
Dad: Then when you getting engaged?
Me: This year engage....
Dad: Then ROM?
Me: Next year...(Me saying these stuff as if they are gonna happen...)
Dad: Then when you get married? The year after that is it....I want to sell the house!!
Me: Oh, so u want me to get married and go away faster ah!! Daddy ah, after I go, nobody will do anything for you ok....You talk like ah...
It hit me really bad.My father had never said anything like this to me before. My relationship with my mum is very bad so I always hear this from her and it doesn't bother me at all. But not from my dad. I was kinda very sad after hearing that. I didn't really expect my father to say something like tat. I don't really wanna leave my dad now. There's nobody to take care of him. Nobody to heat up his food or make tea or coffee or fry anything for him...... Most girls are sad coz they have to leave their mums but in my case, its a bit different. I'm sad to leave my dad...maybe its because he has nobody here besides me.....Sometimes I really get jealous when daughters are friendly with their mums coz its hurts that I'm not......
In the evening,I was on the train going to meet Kumar when my ex-maid called me. I couldn't control myself and cried to her. After we hung up, a few minutes later, my dad called and told me that he was not serious when he said that and me staying in the house is not a burden to him. He also said that i'll always be his daughter no matter what and he's just afraid that Kumar might not marry me and tat's why he wants us to get ROM fast.....
What he said really means a lot to me....This is the first time my father's saying all these to me....they really mean a lot.....I'm not really in the mood to get married. The thought of not being there for my family really makes me wonder whether I should get married. I'm the eldest child and my brother is 9 years younger than me. I can't trust this family into his hands...Sometimes its really sad that a woman has to leave her house and family when she gets married. I guess hope that my dad sells this house when I''m around so that I can help him. I don't know la..I feel sad thinking about these things..
If you ask me truely, I don't wanna get married.....then Kumar........I don't know.....
